Waiting For The End

Married.
Did the vows.
A covenant between me, her, God.
For better or worse.
Richer or poorer.
Death do us part.
Yadda, yadda, yadda…
30 years later and she just wanted to be by herself.
Forget the covenant.
Forget the vows.
Forget we had a family…we WERE a family.
And God? Gone AWOL.
My life? Also gone AWOL.
That was my life.
The only life I ever wanted.
But she wanted to be alone.
"Selfish" doesn't quite cover it…
Anyway, I guess daughters naturally gravitate to mothers.
So here I am.
On the outside looking in.
Waiting for the end.

Please God. I Need to Retire.

I can't see how retiring right now, without winning a lottery, is possible. I don't need much, but I need something. If it was a big enough lottery I'd travel as well, likely non-stop. But I'd settle for just being able to retire. I am just so tired. So very tired…

WTF

I'm driving a '68 Chevelle Malibu,

my grandmother's old car,

along old Finch in Scarborough.

Going through a dark train tunnel,

with a few high school friends crowded in.

Pink Floyd's The Wall on 8-track.

"Is there anybody out there?" chilling...

Don't recall where we were heading.

Nowhere, probably. 

Warm Summer nights, mid 70s.

Just driving. Being teenagers.

The next day I woke up and I'm 62.

WTF!?

I wish I still had that old car.

I wish I still had those old friends.

I wish...

Wedding Vows

Before I was married

I learned about wedding vows. 

The covenant of love between two people, 

and between that couple and God. 

The couple pledges faithfulness to God.

And in return receive God’s grace to sustain them,

as individuals and as a couple.

Truly blessed.

And I believed this wholeheartedly.

I was such an idiot.

Easter?

Happy Easter!

No? That's not you?

Well then, Chag Sameach!

No again? Passover is not you either?

Who are you then?

The sun? The moon? The Buddha?

Whoever you are, may the blessings 

you hold in your heart be known to you this day.

Regrets...

I spent the first 50 years of my life
making sure I didn't have any regrets
in the final years of my life.
I failed...

And none of us ever find out why

And we all live
And we all die
And we all struggle to get by

But still we laugh
And still we cry
And none of us ever find out why

It was a long night.

Last night I dreamed in pieces.
Of old mates, of soulmates, and lost mates.
Of good love, of bad love, of lost love.
Of old places, of good places, of bad places.
Of the bad I've done, the good I've done, the worst I've done.
Of long held regrets, of fresh regrets, of painful regrets.
It was a long night.

Dead Man Walking

Struggled to move on

Chains are too strong

The past is the prison

To a future that is gone

A soul that is home

To a heart that beats alone

A dead man walking